Our interview with Donna Evans, the wife of the U.S. Ambassador to Armenia, John Evans, took place at Bacchus Restaurant. It turns out that the first restaurant the couple visited in Armenia was Bacchus, where the work of Armenian artists are also exhibited and sold.
“Later the owner of this restaurant became my friend, and we became very close. I was really impressed that she was such a young woman and not only she was doing a great job managing the restaurant, she was also collecting beautiful works of art. I soon learned that Armenian women are multifaceted and every Armenian woman has many talents. In general, Armenians have a very creative approach to things.
– Currently many programs are being implemented in Armenia by international organizations, including American organizations, dealing with women’s rights and other such issues. Do you also find that women’s rights in Armenia are violated, and urgent steps must be taken in that regard?
– “Violation” of women’s rights sounds a bit harsh. I personally am not aware of any instances of severe violation of women’s rights; basically the objectives of our programs are to empower women and help them recognize the power they can represent and the role they can play in government and politics.
– During the Soviet times, there was an effort to encourage women by awarding them various honors and titles, such as “the Best Female Farmer” or “the Best Female Worker”, etc… After the collapse of the Soviet Union there was very little discussion of women’s rights. Today there is more discussion on that issue, however, that does not mean that women’s rights are more violated today, or that women have inevitably become accustomed to such conditions. For example, in America, where they often speak of women’s rights, there seems to be more problems in families, and among spouses.
– Armenian families are very traditional, but I think that even in traditional families women have more power than we recognize, and even in traditional families women have a greater influence on family matters. I believe that the process of empowering women should take place gradually, so the men can get used to it. Eventually Armenian men will come to appreciate the fact that their wives will equally share with them the family responsibilities.
– Don’t you think that we should speak about human rights in general, without separating them into men’s and women’s rights? For example, many Armenian families who live in the U.S. don’t accept that if the parents speak harshly with their child, the child can report the parents to the police.
– It is difficult to compare Armenia to the U.S., because they are on different levels; Armenia is more traditional. There are maybe more rights in the United States, and some people may think that there are even too many rights there, but that is what the American people have chosen and they prefer it that way.
– Mrs. Evans, when you have disagreements with Ambassador Evans, how do you resolve those issues; who has the last word?
– That depends on what we are arguing about. We don’t argue that often, we have many discussions, and we often have conversations on a range of issues. But I win a lot!
– How does that happen? Ambassador Evans just lets it go, or…?
– Sometime he just lets it go.
-Women by nature also have many rights and can solve many problems independently. In family matters they can be very effective, where it can even be said that men’s rights are violated. Women are more capable of easily coming out of difficult situations and quickly recovering. Namely, in that last decade there have been more incidences of heart attacks, strokes, depression and deaths in men, whereas women, perhaps even by crying, are able to come out of the situation, where that is more difficult for men. Woman has the capability and can utilize it, if she acknowledges her abilities.
– Yes, I completely agree, and I have heard of many stories of women taking the entire load of family responsibilities upon themselves. I must agree that the problem really does exist in Armenia, especially with men. Unemployment causes a lot of problems in families, for example, they may turn to drinking, etc… This is more apparent in the villages, and I have heard of many cases where the women have taken on the entire responsibility for the care of the family and children. Women are truly more adaptable and they face challenges with more ease; whereas the social issues of unemployment pose a serious problem for men. But it is clear that Armenia’s economy is continuously improving, and the signs are evident, and I think, that this tendency towards development will have a very positive effect on the country and the economy.
– What generally upsets Ambassador Evans? What would be something that would infuriate him?
– I’m trying to remember and I just realized that he does not get upset that often; he does get upset once in awhile, but about little things. I’m trying to remember…but I can’t think of anything serious…I’m really lucky!
– As a woman, what have you learned from Ambassador Evans’ diplomatic career? Diplomacy can be very helpful and enlightening in a woman’s life.
– We have both worked in foreign service. When I met my husband, he was working for the American foreign service, and I was working for the Canadian foreign service. Our marriage has helped us a lot in our work, we have learned to be more careful with words, we have also learned how to negotiate. Often we even negotiate with each other about our issues, and my husband knows how to deal with me. Once in a while our negotiations break down, but it never turns into war.
– As the wife of a diplomat, what advice would you give to Armenian women? For example to be careful with words, and?
– First of all, you must listen carefully to what your husband is saying to you. That way you can understand his weaknesses and strengths. In family relations and in personal issues it is not difficult to negotiate; one thing is certain: men are often more clear and forward on certain issues than women, and by simply listening to them, you can right away find out what it is that they want. Personal relationships are more than just between men and women. I just want to emphasize that it is very important to listen to each other; and men and women should listen and understand what the other wants. Also, mutual respect is essential in relationships.
– Ambassador Evans was assigned to work in Armenia during a very difficult period. And there must have been many stressful days, since diplomats, by the nature of their work, are very reserved during negotiations, and when coming home they can be rather stressed. What do you do in those cases?
– Of course, the work of embassies and diplomats can be very stressful, since there are a lot of issues, and especially in the US Embassy, since it is a very big mission, and the scope of their responsibility is much bigger. In those cases, we have dinner together, and everything sort of calms down. We just sit in our garden with a bottle of Armenian wine and talk. My husband has a great sense of humor and we often joke together.
– As Ambassador Evans’s wife, what do you think about the reasons why Ambassador Evans was recalled? I think that was a stressful period for you.
– In answering this question, I can only speak for myself. That was truly a very emotional period for us, it was also very difficult for me, since my husband was being recalled because he spoke the truth about the events which took place in 1915, and it was painful that he was being punished for speaking the truth. My husband has been working as a diplomat for 35 years, and he is a very professional diplomat. For him, it is truly a big honor to represent the United States of America’s foreign service abroad, and serve the United States. In any event, I consider that the punishment is too severe for the words spoken. My husband spoke that truth in the United States of America, to American citizens, in a university and in an academic setting. Those were extremely difficult times for me; but when you realize that you are right, that helps you walk tall with your head held high. We both have had a wonderful career in foreign service, and I think it a great honor and fortune to work in the diplomatic sphere and to represent the U.S. abroad; it’s a great opportunity to see different countries and learn about the culture and lives of different people. We also have great respect for the U.S. State Secretary, and generally what the US is trying to do.
– Diplomacy is sometimes a choice between personal conscience or state policy, isn’t it?
– Yes.
– Armenian media has often covered the U.S. State Department’s decision to take back the award which was awarded to Ambassador Evans; they also reported the reasons why the award was given to Ambassador Evans. As the Ambassador’s wife, what are your thoughts about this? Perhaps it would have been better if they never gave the award, rather than to give it and then take it back.
– The important thing here is that the award was given by a group of his peers. It is more important to me that his peers had respected and given him that award, than the fact that was it was taken back.
-Recently President Kocharian awarded the State Medal of Mekhitar Gosh to Ambassador Evans, and a few days ago, the U.S. President George Bush addressed a letter to Ambassador Evans thanking him for his service. What do you think about these two events?
– For me it was a great honor that my husband received that medal from the President of Armenia, Mr. Robert Kocharian, and when I heard that news, I was speechless; that was a huge honor for me and my husband. If I could, I would personally express my gratitude to President Kocharian. As to the letter by President Bush, I am very happy that my husband received that letter. That helped me. President Bush, with that letter, thanked my husband for his work in Armenia and that shows that his work is appreciated.
– In Armenia, a group of Diaspora and local Armenians organized a yellow ribbon campaign, which took place on April 24th, the day of commemorations for the genocide victims, to protest the State Department’s decision regarding the recall of Ambassador Evans.
– That day is a very solemn and emotional day. The day we went to the Genocide Monument, we did not see the yellow ribbons, since we entered from the road for the diplomatic corps. We only saw young people with yellow t-shirts, who held yellow ribbons. My husband was very touched, and when we passed those young individuals, he expressed his gratitude by placing his hand on his heart. We were truly touched by that campaign, and when we came home and saw on TV what really took place that day, we were very emotional. We saw thousands of yellow ribbons tied by thousands of people. I want to thank every single person who tied a yellow ribbon that day.
– Where and how did you meet Ambassador Evans?
– At NATO. My husband was working in the American delegation, and I was with the Canadian delegation. When we reminisce about those days, we always say that it was love among missiles. This is very personal! We were both invited to a party, and we were both supposed to meet someone there. But the person I was supposed to meet had to go somewhere and could not make it. And so during the party I met my husband, and we started talking. The main thing that helped the start of our relationship that day was that he looked very handsome. Then we started talking about Central and Eastern Europe, and since I have a Polish background, I was impressed that he was very intelligent and that he had a great understanding of the soul of Europe. I was familiar with the European mentality and was amazed how well he understood it. He was very intelligent and that attracted me. He was also a true gentleman, which is rare in life. Maybe today that may seem a bit old-fashioned, but it appealed to me very much.
– And how did he propose?
– We got married in 1988. He actually gave me this ring, but he refused to call it an engagement ring; he called it a friendship ring. My husband is a very cautious man and he waited five years before we got married. It was not a typical marriage proposal. My husband will die when he sees this story in the paper! At that time he was a “confirmed bachelor”, so I had to go through a long negotiation. Eventually he “dropped his weapons”, and when we were in Washington, one day he called me during lunch and asked me if I wanted to go over to Virginia to get our marriage license. I said ok and we went to Virginia. The clerk who was giving us our license asked us “would you like to get married now, since the Justice just got back from lunch?” I said nothing and just looked at John. We went to the Justice of the Peace and were married very quickly. Ten minutes later we were both shocked at how quickly we did it; but we were happy that it happened that way and we went back to work. We have had a very interesting marriage, and our life together has never been boring. I really enjoy talking with my husband about various topics. We have also had some difficult times, like any family. Especially, we went through one of the most difficult times recently when he was recalled, and I think that was a test through which you get to see the real person. And now we are closer than ever. We will have a lot to talk about around the fire place when we get old.
– Mrs. Evans, as we know, during your stay in Armenia you participated in various projects.
– Yes, I worked with Rita Balian on the Women’s Wellness Center. I also participated in health projects with Mrs. Bella Kocharian. I really admire Bella Kocharian, she is an educated, smart and delightful woman. My husband has also supported those projects. I will probably continue be on the Board once I go back to Washington, and I will try to support and help raise funds for the Center.
– Is being the wife of an ambassador very demanding when you deal with people, or when you are on the street or in your daily life?
– During our careers we have learned to be diplomats and to get used to that life. Our years of work in the foreign service have accustomed us to this type of life. Of course, there are times when we have to meet and dine with various people, but that is also very interesting, since you see a lot of new things. When I go somewhere with my husband things are a bit different, since everybody knows him. But not too many people know me. I go to my hairdresser’s , and other place like normal people; actually we are normal people.
The article was prepared by Satik Seyranyan and Kamo Mayilyan